so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's never too late to be topless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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