420 ftw
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
