Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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