He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
