Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
