its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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