I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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