His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
