I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ok first of all what the fuck
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
