Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
