When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
