so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
