Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
