Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
