I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
