Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Michael Bay diarrhea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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