My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize