Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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