I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
