I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
