You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
