the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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