i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
