You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
