you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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