I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
