I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
