Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
