she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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