Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He shit in the fireplace
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
