you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
