wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
