I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
