East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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