My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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