I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have post one night stand depression
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
