i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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