worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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