R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
