I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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