she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
