I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
