kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
