I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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