i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
