Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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