At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are two peas in an std pod
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
