Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize