Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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