I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
