her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
