even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
