I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this beer tastes like vomit already
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
