are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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