Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
