Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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