I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
