Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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