You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize