I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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