PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
