"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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