Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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