Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
