I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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