I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
