During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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