ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
